Do you sometimes feel a knot in your stomach when you know a tough conversation needs to happen? We have all been there before! Whether it’s setting a boundary with a loved one, addressing conflict at work, or expressing unmet needs in a relationship, difficult conversations can be uncomfortable and quite nerve-wrecking. Yet, avoiding them often leads to more harm than good. Do not avoid them or your relationships (or better yet, you) will suffer!
Hard conversations are essential for healthy relationships in both professional and personal settings. They help clear up misunderstandings, strengthen trust, and promote emotional honesty. The goal isn’t to “win” or avoid discomfort, but to create space for understanding and mutual respect.
Why We Avoid Hard Conversations
Many people fear that expressing their true thoughts or feelings will lead to rejection, anger, or escalation. Others struggle with finding the right words or worry about being misunderstood. Unfortunately, avoidance often fuels resentment and miscommunication. Over time, unspoken issues can grow into emotional distance or burnout.
The Power of Assertive Communication
The good news is that hard conversations don’t have to be destructive or overwhelming. With the right approach, they can be empowering and even healing. Assertive communication is the key. It allows you to express your needs clearly while respecting the needs of others.
Here’s a formula for mastering assertive communication that I created for my clients:
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State your intention for the conversation.
Start by setting a positive tone and clarifying your purpose. For example:“I’d like to talk about something important because I value our relationship and want us to stay on the same page.”
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Disclose what you are feeling.
Use “I” statements to take ownership of your emotions and reduce defensiveness.“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and unsure about how to bring this up.”
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Make a request for your desired outcome.
Be specific about what you need moving forward.“I’d like us to find a way to divide responsibilities more evenly.”
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Offer possible solutions.
Suggest ideas or compromises that show collaboration.“Maybe we could create a schedule together or check in weekly to see how things are going.”
This formula creates structure and emotional safety. It helps keep the conversation focused on growth instead of blame, making it more likely that both people feel heard and respected.
The goal isn’t to “win” or avoid discomfort, but to create space for understanding and mutual respect.
The Growth That Comes from Difficult Conversations
When we approach hard conversations with intention and empathy, we strengthen our emotional resilience and build deeper connections. Over time, it becomes easier to communicate needs clearly, set boundaries confidently, and resolve conflict constructively.
If you don’t remember anything else you read here today, please remember this: courageous communication doesn’t mean being perfect; it means being honest, open, and willing to listen.
So next time you feel that knot in your stomach, take a deep breath, remind yourself of your intention, and use the assertive communication formula as your guide. The discomfort may be temporary, but the growth and clarity that follow are lasting.
Come back to visit me soon,
Dr. E
