If this is your first time visiting me, welcome to The Diamond Cortex! If this is not your first time here, thank you for coming back to see me! You are truly appreciated.
Let’s talk about grief.
Grief is the response to a significant loss; this loss can be a death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, loss of job, changes in health, etc. The responses can be emotional, psychological, and physical. For the sake of this blog post, let’s talk about grief due to the loss of a loved one.
I’ve always believed that grief is the hardest thing to manage, because it is the one thing we cannot retrieve or “fix”.
As a therapist, I help clients determine where they are within the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The goal is to get to the acceptance stage as much as possible. Acceptance does not mean that you are “over” the loss, it just means that you are able to cope with the loss in a healthy manner. It is important to note that grief happens in waves. It never actually ends. The feelings just lose intensity over time.
Do you mind if I get personal here? If you do not mind, keep reading.
Perspective Change ALERT: This is no longer Dr. E speaking, this is Nisha.
My first major loss was my grandfather, when I was 7 years old. My second major loss was my grandmother, which happened when I was 33 years old. There are several differences between the two losses, but the major difference is that my grandfather prepared me for his departure, and my grandmother’s passing was a complete shock. Since I’m being vulnerable with you right now, I will admit that sometimes I feel a shift in my breathing, when I remember that she is no longer present. It is breathtakingly shocking.
There are days that I can think of her and simply smile as I recall cherished memories. However, there are some days that I can’t think of her without tears forming. I’m instantly reminded of her when I see people interact with their grandparents, when I see news stories that we would have discussed, when I eat certain foods, when I watch basketball, etc! As I am typing this, I realize that I would do anything to hear her laughter again.
Acceptance does not mean that you are “over” the loss, it just means that you are able to cope with the loss in a healthy manner. It is important to note that grief happens in waves, so it never actually ends. The feelings just lose intensity over time.
The pain isn’t as intense as it was when it first happened. The only reason it is no longer as intense is because I allow myself to FEEL every feeling that is attached to my grief. I also regularly focus on beautiful memories which I now know will carry me through the rest of my journey without her.
The only reason it is no longer as intense is because I allow myself to FEEL every feeling that is attached to my grief.
Perspective Change ALERT: Okay, this is Dr. E again.
Do not go through this journey alone. Give yourself permission to experience whatever your heart feels. DO not rush the process. There is no timeline on grief.
A few years ago, I hosted a grief group, and I developed a grief survival kit for the attendees. Please contact me for a copy of that grief survival kit. Also, contact me if you would like to start grief therapy. Again, do not do this alone!
I was reading recently and ran across this quote and I would love to share it with you.
“Grief is just evidence that love existed, and still does.”
What a gift it is to have loved someone so deeply that even in the midst of loss, the love is still vibrant. I know that my grandparents gave me enough love to last a lifetime, and for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing space with me today,
Dr. E
